Welcoming Conversations

 One of the things we do in the Worship Together service is teach the children words

for the littlest children, its very basic words, because they are just beginning to talk

for the older children, it is teaching them bigger words,

Like the special words we use for the cup and plate we use for our meal with Jesus

Do you all know what those words are?

This is a (chalice)

this is a (Paten).

Well done.

Can you say, conversation?

Let me hear you say, conversation.

Do you know what a conversation is?

Raise your hand, How many of you think you know what a conversation is?

Learning how to have a conversation is an important aspect of socialization for children, and adults.

Which I know all of you are rolling your eyes and thinking to yourself,

"Mother Elizabeth, I'm ...(insert random number, you can be honest with yourself) years old, I know how to have a conversation."

Hmmm.... 

In our recent clergy meeting with the Bishop, she told us 

That we need to take the summer time as a time to go back to basics

And while talking about how to have a conversation might seem a little too basic

Bear with me.

There's a part of having conversations, especially welcoming conversations,

That we seem to have lost in the last few years.

Do you feel that you know how to make someone feel welcome in a conversation

how to move past small talk and talk about the things you and the other person are really passionate about?

Do you know how to have a conversation that builds relationship?

How to truly listen to another person as they speak and engage with them in ideas?

As we turn toward the Fourth of July this week and the United States independence holiday,

it is important that we talk about having welcoming conversations.

We live in a country that has trouble having conversations

and our political and civic world will only get harder to live in if we continue to shy away from having important conversations.

saying hello and exchanging a few words about the weather is not a conversation

its a first step to having a conversation, but its not the conversation.

Small talk is important, and it has a important function in social interaction

but we really need to learn how to move beyond the small talk

and into the conversations

where we listen, we respond, we disagree, we agree, we look at different perspectives

we are able to say I don't know, and I'm learning, and I haven't thought about that before.

In the Gospel passage we have heard today, we hear Jesus saying to welcome others

and that whoever is welcoming will be welcomed and so on.

I think we can all agree that this is something we want.

We want to be welcomed in our relationships and community.

And we all know what it feels like to NOT be welcome.

We may say that St. Peter's, or our neighborhood, or our exercise class is welcoming,

but what do we really mean?

When most people are asked to describe what is welcoming

the top five things talked about are:

friendliness, pleasantness, accessibility, openness, and preparedness.

Spaces that are welcoming are accessible, able to easily walk into them,

open, being not locked, or difficult to get into

pleasant, which usually means not dirty and in some kind of aesthetic as to be good to look at,

prepared, ready for people to be in it, someone took care to think about who was going to be in a space and what they might need

and friendly, in that it has a good user interface, it is kind and clear and able to be used appropriately.

I did say I was going to talk about conversations, and here I'm talking about spaces...

so what are welcoming conversations?

One of the first ways we welcome others is in how we speak to and with them.

In a welcoming conversation, people have relaxed and easy body language

they might get passionate about something, but the facial and body language is open, curious, and easily changed.

Most of us know how to read the signs of when someone doesn't want to have a conversation,

closed arms or hands, closed faces, etc.

and we also know when someone is open and ready to talk.

Sometimes we think someone is open for a conversation, by their body language

but after some small talk realize that they are not in an emotional or mental space to have a conversation.

This is usually evidenced by repetition of time, or stuck in a feeling, or unable to ask return questions.

A person who keeps saying they have to go, are not available for a conversation mentally or emotionally.

A good, real, welcoming, conversation

has many of the same characteristics as a welcoming space

they are friendly, accessible, open, prepared, and pleasant.

Welcoming conversations are always God conversations

even if we never mention God.

Because when we welcome the person in front of us

when we meet them where they are and welcome them, we are welcoming Jesus and God into our lives.

The reverse is also true, as Jesus says in Matthew 10:40,

"Whoever welcomes you welcomes me, and whoever welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me."

So what is involved in having a welcoming conversation?

I have three basic steps for having a welcoming conversations, especially if you don't know someone else well.

1. Reminding people of your name, asking them theirs, or what they want to be called, if you already know them very well, you may be able to skip this step. But it never hurts to double check that you are still calling someone else by the name they want to be known by
2. Asking questions - not what do you do, boring!

Ask instead, what are you passionate about? What are you involved with outside of work?

Where have you found God lately? What do you think about... topic you actually care about? If you are involved in something together, ask what caught their attention.

The last step is the most important

3. LISTENING!!!

I wrote it in all caps with three exclamation points. This is the most important step in having a welcoming conversation.

Active listening is a skill most of us fail to practice.

If you are going to take one thing out of this sermon, go practice active listening.

Here is how to active listen:

ask someone else a question

listen to their answer!

After you have heard their answer, repeat what you have heard to make sure you understand

then comment, ask another question, or share a connecting story.

You don't have to repeat every sentence, but especially when you are confused or not sure you understood, repeat!

Don't spend the time they are talking thinking of what you are going to say next.

Listen to what they are saying. Listen to what they aren't saying. Listen to what they are saying.

Pop Quiz time! Its only one question:

What is the most important aspect of having a conversation?

(Listening) Yes, listening.

The 19th century British critic William Hazlitt said,

“The art of conversation is the art of hearing as well as of being heard.”

Having a good conversation is an art,

and all art comes out of God's creative force in our lives.

Lest you think I leave you high and dry,

I have an example for you.

Our friend Elmer/Kay, is going to help me with this demonstration. Thank you.

Good morning! How are you doing this morning?

respond back and forth

We have been in this church service together this morning, what has caught your attention?

respond back and forth

Thank you! Let's all give Elmer/Kay a round of applause for being the preacher's assistant...

Before I end,

What did you hear in this conversation?

How did it feel?

This was a good, welcoming, God-centered conversation.

Being welcoming,

welcoming God into our lives doesn't have to be grandiose

it can start with our daily conversations.

God is with us in every conversation.