Third Week of Lent - Boundaries

"He only says, "Good fences make good neighbours."

Spring is the mischief in me, and I wonder

If I could put a notion in his head:

"Why do they make good neighbours? Isn't it

Where there are cows? But here there are no cows.

Before I built a wall I'd ask to know

What I was walling in or walling out,

and to whom I was like to give offense."

This is a portion of Robert Frost's poem, Mending Wall. 

The poem talks about mending a wall in the spring with the neighbor on the other side. 

It goes through how the wall fell apart, and as we heard, we hear him wonder

about why there is a wall in the first place.

The only thing the neighbor says in the poem is

"Good fences make good neighbours."

But Frost brings up a good question in these lines

why do good fences make good neighbors

why build a wall

is it because you're walling something in

or walling something out?

It seems that there are good walls, 

which keep people safe,

and then there are bad walls,

which keep people apart.

Though Frost wrote this poem more than a hundred years ago,

it still pertains to us today.

The question of walls or boundaries

is quite a serious one.

Recently the question about President Trump's wall between Texas and Mexico

has gotten many people up in arms, both in favor and against. 

Even more recently, the Winter Olympics in Korea

reminded us all of the tension between North and South

split with the DMZ, the demilitarized zone,

a long fence splitting the country in two.

And while we have these recent examples

controversial walls between neighbors is not a new thing.

The Berlin Wall

The Israeli West Bank wall along the Green Line

The wall in Baghdad.

Unfortunately though

it seems these walls 

haven't created good neighbors.

The amount of fighting, rallying, negotiation talks, and protests

which happen around these walls

doesn't make it look like any of them are helping 

develop good boundaries.

Just because we have physical walls

doesn't mean we have good healthy relationships.

However, boundaries are very important in our human lives.

We need boundaries 

to lead happy healthy lives.

Boundaries are involved in pretty much everything we do as human beings.

In order to be clear, the definition of boundary

is what is okay in a situation and what is not okay.

Basically, knowing where the line is between okay and not okay.

We have boundaries in all aspects of our lives.

Physical boundaries

such as our skin

our personal space

our privacy.

We have emotional boundaries

our circles of trust and confidentiality.

We have financial boundaries

our own personal accounts

business accounts

and lots of laws to keep those boundaries in place.

We have social boundaries

both stated and unstated 

which let us know what is okay to do with other people and what is not okay to do with other people.

We have occupational boundaries,

which determine what is our job and what is not our responsibility.

(We all know the phrase, "That's above my pay grade."

which is a boundary we all know when something is not our responsibility.)

In every aspect of our lives there are healthy boundaries

necessary to keep us whole, safe, and able to function. 

Yet, we also have lots of unhealthy boundaries floating around in our society.

Where it seems acceptable to break other people's feelings of what is okay and not okay.

We have seen this explode with issues of sexual harassment and abuse in the last year.

Unhealthy boundaries lead to conflict, disrespect, and distrust.

All of which we have in gigantic amounts throughout our society.

In her research on people living wholehearted lives,

Brene Brown, a social researcher working in topics of shame, resilience, and living healthy lives

points out from the data

that one of the most compassionate things we can do as human beings 

is have good clear boundaries. 

Where we know for ourselves what is okay and what is not okay

and we talk with other people in respectful ways when boundaries are broken.

Respectful, healthy communities are built around people who have healthy boundaries.

And while Brene Brown's research has only come out in the last couple of years

this idea of good community being born out of having good boundaries among people 

is so ancient

its biblical.

We see the first example

in our reading from Exodus for today.

Exodus was written sometime in the 15th century BC,

So about three and a half thousand years ago.

God gives Moses the Ten Commandments

which are to govern the community of Isrealites in their life together 

and in relationship with God.

The Ten Commandments

are rules, effectively, good boundaries of what is okay, and what is not okay,

for the people to do.

God says, it is not okay for us to have any other gods than God.

Its not okay to murder other people.

Its not okay to covet what other people have or to gossip about them with other people.

God says we definitely should

keep sabbath time, to rest,

we need to respect other people, especially our parents.

The people who had fled from Egypt

were trying to create a new kind of nation

a new kind of community

and having healthy boundaries 

good rules for communal living 

were very important to the health, safety, and longevity of the community.

Even in the gospel story for today from John

the story of Jesus overturning the market tables in the temple

is a story with boundaries 

and the breaking of boundaries 

at the heart of it.

Jesus goes to worship in the temple

and finds the place having been turned into a marketplace.

Understandably at that time

there was still animal and crop sacrifice going on in the temple

and people did need to buy cattle or birds 

or grains or fruits in order to give to the temple.

However, the understanding is that the money changers and market sellers in the temple at that time

were gouging the people who came to worship.

They were lining their own pockets and being unfair to the people.

They were breaking the good boundaries of living in community

they were preying on the poor people of the land.

Jesus drives them out.

He reinforces the good boundaries of the community

making clear that what was going on is not okay.

Jesus' mission in the world is to return the people

including us

to right relationship with God.

Which does mean pointing out the ways in which we have strayed from that relationship

and broken its good healthy rules.

What does this mean for us today?

During this season of Lent

we are called to remember the ways in which we have broken the boundaries of good community

we are called to repent for the ways in which we have strayed from right relationship.

We are called to return to good healthy clear boundaries and community.

We are called to repair the relationships which have been broken among us.

Thankfully, Jesus has already promised us

that he will forgive us

he will rebuild the temple

though we chip away at its walls

with our brokenness and unhealthy boundaries.

Thankfully, God loves us more than we can imagine

and continues to try to meet us in right relationship.

Thankfully, we can rely on God's grace to catch us when we fail

and return us to faith and trust.

Like Robert Frost in his poem Mending Wall

we are given the opportunity each year

to mend the relationships

the broken places in our lives

and return to healthy good relationships 

with each other

and with God.

Amen.